Last wish in 2009

Last wish in 2009, I pray to the Lord God to give me an independence of mind. Lord God, please give me STRENGTH! I need U so much! I hope that at this moment you touch my head and then tell me: ''my child, believe in yourself and you are OK, I look at you all the single time. You will always be my good gal=)))''♥
Last night I cried all night, causing my both eyes swollen this morning.
Why am I crying?
Because I feel Inferior!
I feel very Impotent!
Habitual reliance on friends, often don't make decisions for myself!
I HATE this kind of ME!!!
I WANT To CHANGE!!!
Change to the NEW Pauline cECILIA!!!
2010 is the new beginning for me!!!
NEW YEAR,
NEW LIFE,
NEW TARGET,
NEW BEGINNING,
NEW CHANGES...as well!!!

I went:'' Lord God, my heart is beating with U,
my soul is living in U,
my whole life is in U!''
I LOVE U!!!♥

Am the Child of God=)))

If it is FATE...

If it is fate, we surely will meet again.If it is true fate, everyone encounters each other are all in timing.

If fate really exists between us, we will naturally meet each other by the right time. I think so...How about u? Do u believe in fate?
I don't want to disrupt ur life...I don't want to be a silly gal...
I should be a mature gal as I have been reminding myself don't give so much room for my imagination!!!
Oh God, until when I just can put aside my past? Today, I've completely lost my spirit to do everything...Can't pay so much concentrate on the drama even it's my favourite korean drama...*sobbing*==''
God went:'' All this just can only rely on your own. If you've never want to let go, then you'll never fit in the past.
Now just can only rely on your own, believe yourself can be able to do it, then it already half of the battle.''
I went:'' I've tried to forget all the past...I DID...but I FAILED...When ''HE'' appear in front of me, all the efforts will suddenly collapsed. Therefore, I have to start from scratch. Honestly, I really tired...I really exhausted all about it!!! Please ask whether he has had such a feeling???

Pauline, Live out your LIFE

Dedicated to YOU...but it must be STOPPED!!!

There is also a period of time I am not going to update my blog...
Recently, I still think of you...
Last few days, I went to Sibu with bunch of friends...
We talked and laughed...
Indeed, my body still with them, but my heart was gone with the wind very far, and thought about whether I will meet you somewhere in Sibu?
LOLX...
Again and again!!!
Cannot deny the fact that I still will miss you...
Sigh...==''
Where are you now?
How are you doing so far?
Has been a long time did not get your news since we were broke up.
Deleted and blocked out all the way to contact you is to ensure that I can forget you as soon as possible...That 10 digit is still engraved in my mind although it has been deleted from my contact list , it kept lingering...But I will never contact you anymore...Because everything is OVER...Is no longer possible to return back to before...
Why am I still tired and still dedicated to you???!!!

Dedicated to YOU

Good men are EXTINCT!!!

Seriously, if ur gf is angrying and off her cell phone without telling u...BOYS, how and wat would u do to get back their hearts???hmph!!!I know wat's the answer!!They may have no reaction and waiting for gals to calm down and find back them!!!Boys, u're wrong!!!Wat gals want is ur Caring and Consideration. Gals wan u to comfort her when she's sad rather than ignore her, until she feel good.
Undeniably, men total about face-saving. Don't u guys know tat gals always like playing ''PRINCESS temper''???!!!This is so-called the nature of woman. Let's said, if u really love and care bout her, once you know tat she's off her cell phone and can't contact her at all, you should be very nervous, and then tried to find out where's she???!!!
Rather than sitting there doing nothing, waiting for her ''gas consumption''-feel good and find back u! This way will certainly backfire u know?!
Even if she was really turned off her cell phone, you guys can also try to calls to her, and keep messaging her in order to let her be pleasantly surprised after on her cell phone...Let her know how much you care about and care for her...
Something as simple as it really that difficult to accomplish?
Nowadays, man is care about face-saving, admit defeat, self-esteem damned strong and thus will not yield easily...even if you were her girlfriend !!!

Disappointed in relationship!!!
Hate LOVE!!!

Nobita and Doraemon 大雄&叮当

Nobita and Doraemon
大雄&小叮当

U guys must be feeling weird and wonder why that I would put this picture???
It was a long long long story to tell...
When am looking at this picture, it will let me think of my first love...
Don't know why...
Recently, I had a compulsion to return to the time we were together.
Ya!
I admit that am a silly gal!!!
Am stupid!!!
Am useless!!!
Even so, it is still no way to stop me to think about you ah!!!
Am suffer right now u know!!!
No!!!
U never know since u started a new relationship with her.
And u are right,
cos this is the respect for the new relationship.
Since I once failed in love with 2nd relationship,
I had tried hardly to forget him and started my new life.
I thought that am successfully to get rid of miss him.
Backfire, not only I did not succeed and survived from it,
whenever I thought of the way he treated me when we were still a couple,
naturally, you(大雄) will be reminded of in my mind.

I miss!!!
I Miss!!!
I really MISS!!!
I really miss U ah!!!
I miss the morning call from u to awake me from slept!
I miss ur every called!
I miss ur thoughtful.
I miss ur softness to me.
I miss ur everything.
I think you have all forgotten.
Do u still remember our nickname?
I like our NICKNAME-大雄&叮当
Because of I like to watch Cartoon of Doraemon,
u gave me the nickname-叮当
Superadd, I am kind of ''meat meat''-fat gal as Doraemon,
U said that nickname suitable for me and immediately change to 叮当from 婷 from ur contact list.
Instead, I don't felt angry but made me feeling cute.=)
Therefore, am also gave you a nickname as well-大雄.
All these have become the past, and will never ever come back.
Day and night, these memories constantly echoes in my mind,
so what!!!???
U no longer belongs to me,
No matter how much I miss u, I can‘t and not qualified to let u know.
Sigh~~~
Am feeling tired and exhausted!!!
I also don't brave enough to send u a message since the day u told me that u have a new gal friend...
I lost my COURAGE to find u as before.
I thought that I had set aside all the past and started my new life,
may be it was only happened in the dream bah...

Vent out!!!
Argh!!!

Nobita and Doraemon
大雄&叮当
Vanish!!!

Finale!!!

Question for Pauline cECILIA

Just came back from miri last night.
Tired and feeling exhausted...
The journey way back to Sibu from Miri,
It was the 2nd time Am sat alone inside the bus and listen to music through my cell phone...
It was damned damned cold inside the bus...
plus, the worst thing,
it was a rainy day...
Am almost became a SNOWGAL.
The lyrics with the melody let my emotions came...
Am kept thought and thought...
My mind constantly emerging previous things...
Only a QUESTION I would like to ask myself...
It will be : Am I still?
Am I still do stand ORIGIN???
Gosh...
It cannot be!!!
I should be look forward!!!
Rather than still miss to the PAST!!!
WHY???
Pauline,
U urself should know how much you were being hurt and how pain it will be!!!
It is not worth for u to think back and teardrop again and again!!!
I admit that Am a silly gal...
But the things come naturally...
Me myself cannot be avoided...

Sometimes,
Am thought of the 1st piece of fallen leaf...
Am felt damn regret coz of let IT go...
Why am I did not grasp it...
Now, it had been flying to the hands of others...

Sometimes,
Am miss the moment with the 2nd piece of fallen leaf...
Everything I did for IT is full with my LOVE HEART...
And I am willing to sacrifice for IT...
But wat I get from IT was HURT.

That's why!!!
Why am I still miss to the past!!!

Stupid Silly PAULINE!!!

Don't teardrop coz of guys.VS I LOVE Daddy & Mummy=)

突然情绪来了，所以就想来这发泄发泄一下。
爱情，总是让女人流泪。
而男人啊，
总是不懂得女人心。
朋友啊，
你要坚强点。。。
不要轻易就为他而掉泪，
有时候，你就想想为什么自己这么容易就情绪化，
告诉他你所要的是什么，
不要隐藏。。。
在爱情里，
不许有任何隐藏于对方，
知道吗？
你爱他，他也一样爱你，
彼此不许有任何隐藏，
你们是一体的。
如果他还是不断地重复同样的错，
那我知道你会做出什么决定了。
曾经的我也是这样。。。
爱情，很折腾。。。
我现在不那么渴望了。
你所教我的，
你应该也要随时提醒自己啊！
加油！！！

I Love Daddy and mummy.=)
Daddy, thanks for ur gift which is my desired laptop-> SONY NW=) I gonna have it soon...Really can't wait liao...Thanks lot daddy...I love U more than word can say...In fact, I've also buy a gift for u and mum as well=)

Here the new Wallet that I gonna present u,dad. Hope u will like it. I bought it from The Spring-GoldLion. U deserve a nice wallet since I saw ur wallet already been used over decades of years and never change the new one. This wallet just specially for u as a new beginning and might be bring u LUCK ya=)Daddy love us so much...Daddy never desired any material things...Daddy owes save money because of us...Daddy, how much u did and how much u love us, WE all know...but then u till have to sayang urself, OK?LOVE u, daddy!muacksss.

Mummy, dun worry. I've buy u a necklace as well^^

Here the necklace that I gonna present u, Mummy.=) I bought it from The Spring-GIODANO.

I never bought such a gorgeous necklace to my mother before.

This is my 1st time. I love u mum. U deserve it...And hope u will like it.
WE all LOVE u.muacksss...^^

P/S:I might be going back on 7 of November.
Really cant wait to c my daddy and mummy liao...=)