LOST CONTROL ):

"LOST CONTROL"
Actually I have no idea what I am going to post.
Just a Feeling for these few days.
I felt LOST once again.
I felt ALONE once again.
Tired of handling those MEMORIES.
Tired of HIDING.(feeling)
Tired of CRYING.(missing)
Tired of TRYING.(as a friend)
Despite how sad and hurt I am,
the fact is,
I still can't LET go!!!!!!!
Not NOW!!!
Tell me WHEN!!!
Tell me WHY???
It's not ur fault,
it's just my problem.
WESTLIFE "HOME"
Don't ask why this SONG.
Just this SONG.

男孩-boy

To: boy

我真的不知道怎么隐藏对你那一丝的牵挂，
我很努力地不去想你，
我很努力地过着没有你的生活，
努力地把过去我和你的一切从记忆里抹去。
可是，
为什么，
依旧踏在原点？
男孩，
我真的想你了。
不在乎你看不看得到，
只想透过部落格来发泄自己的情绪，
没有勇气跟朋友诉说依旧想着你，
因为不想让他们失望与担心。
我努力掩饰对你的思念，
知道自己很傻，
却无法控制自己不去做傻事。

已好久没有你的消息了，
好几次，
我试着找你的足迹,
可是，
你到底在哪里？

很累了。。。
真的很累了。。。
身体不舒服，
想吐。。。
体温在上升。。。):

From gal

Dedicated to YOU...but it must be STOPPED!!!

There is also a period of time I am not going to update my blog...
Recently, I still think of you...
Last few days, I went to Sibu with bunch of friends...
We talked and laughed...
Indeed, my body still with them, but my heart was gone with the wind very far, and thought about whether I will meet you somewhere in Sibu?
LOLX...
Again and again!!!
Cannot deny the fact that I still will miss you...
Sigh...==''
Where are you now?
How are you doing so far?
Has been a long time did not get your news since we were broke up.
Deleted and blocked out all the way to contact you is to ensure that I can forget you as soon as possible...That 10 digit is still engraved in my mind although it has been deleted from my contact list , it kept lingering...But I will never contact you anymore...Because everything is OVER...Is no longer possible to return back to before...
Why am I still tired and still dedicated to you???!!!

Dedicated to YOU

i know...

Well...I have done everything for you, i believe tat you yet know. How much i love u, i believe tat u also can feel it. U are the only guy tat i pay so much love and thoughts...i dun like to compare..bt if really want to compare both of u(U and my 1st bf), u r more happiness than him...i did lot to u... Everytime when i see something tat i like and feel wanna to buy it, i will think of u 1st, coz i want to save money to buy some present for u...then i will stop my desire to buy it...i m willing to sacrifice it...i m willing to do it without any complaints...coz i love u... Did u know, i love u more than i love me myself...i just realized tat i never sayang me.
The present i gave u-red notebook and t-shirt, u just use them, dun waste them. We're til friends.

没收

两个人在一起，
为的是什么？
是一份永恒的爱。
然而，

事实却让我绝望。
我选择了这条路，
是条坎坷的路，
考验不断。
我也不想日日夜夜流着泪，
但始终，
眼泪只为你倾流。
是，
必须把你给忘，
停止想念你，
是我现在必须做到的事。
但，
忘记一个依然爱的人不是件容易的事，
很痛，
很痛，
真的很痛！
为何我紧握着不放？
因为我已陷太深，
我爱你。
现在，
我只能学着没收对你的爱。

你的祝福

你的祝福让我心碎。。。
不想多说什么。。。
静静地。。。
流着泪。。。
这就是结果。。。

提得起，放不下。

我曾跟你说过，
永远只爱你一个。
对你说过的每句话，
成了我们回忆的伤口。

这条路才走不久，
却已停止前进。
我是软弱的，
需要你的肩膀。

我的脸上张扬过哀伤，
是寂寞的倔强。
为何不选择拉住我，
而却让我独自去流浪。

我没有想过我们会再次分开，
我选择让时间说真话。
内心的我是害怕的，
天黑了以后，
我们都不知道会不会有以后。

男孩，
为什么？
也许你也不懂，
当我放手那一刻，
心理渴望你挽留我，
不让我走。

是我的爱过多，
而淹没了你对我的爱吗？
我承认我懦弱，
提得起，
却放不下。

忍不住。。。

每天早上一起床，
是最难受的时刻。。。
没有你的日子，
电话也无用处。。。
常常，
很自然地，
你的脸出现在我脑海里，
叫我怎么去忘记你？
忍不住，
忍不住想知道你的近况，
忍不住想知道你是否想我。
我。。。
真的好想你。。。
怎么办？？？
我该怎么办？？？
=(

心理测验。。。真的如此吗？

星座配對 99%準 測驗，結果是 魔羯座是你的絕配 12/23-01/20

您們唯一比較相近之處，是都有著好勝好強的企圖心。不過羊兒是非常明顯的欠缺持久性，而摩羯則正好相反。因此，明爭暗鬥的結果，通常是由摩羯獲勝。 不擅矯飾的羊兒，剛開始很難接受摩羯安靜深沈的性格，但羊兒天生缺乏安定而穩固的忍耐力，正是摩羯能夠提供的；而摩羯想在太實際、太堅忍的現實環境中調合一下，羊兒的個性正適合。所以分數雖低，也未必完全無望。

I saw it...

The answer is for me?

分手后。。。

　 入睡前空气中有著你的气味

　　分手后时常有你回来的错觉

　　关上风吹的窗留一盏灯对自己的伤痛不敢过问

　　我是诚实的人还爱你不敢承认

　　黎明前脑海申闪过一种后悔

　　分手后我曾经害怕流的眼泪

　　那颗慌乱的心失去理性围困在孤灯下无法安静

　　我是守夜的人守候著每道伤痕

　　分手的苦难我一个人承担谁教我爱著你无法隐瞒

　　我不想再爱谁我只想得到你的安慰

　　你走后无人可值守的夜打包记忆的伤心的最细微

　　那些你早遗忘残忍的拒绝

　　那个被你轻易删去的忽略

原来只是一场梦。。。瞬间即逝

我们的故事结束了。像似一场梦。。。我多希望这不会是一场梦，就算是一场梦，也希望永远都不要醒来。
我很爱很爱你。。。我承认当我提出分手那一刻，眼泪狂流。。。我无法想象未来的日子该怎么过。我希望我会是快乐的，幸福的。。。心里存着万分的不舍，我一点也不想松手，但是紧抓着不是属于我的‘爱’，也得不到我想要的幸福。
结束了就是结束了。。。
要忘记你，不是件简单的事。
我好怕。。。
一旦想起你，泪水就不禁流下。。。
时间会帮我吗？
现在，
看着电脑，
心里都感到不安，
因为，
它让我想起与你的点点滴滴。
我好想好想和你在一起。。。
我们的未来，
我都想好了。。。
可是，
命运始终不让我们在一起厮守到老。
也许，
我们真的是“有缘无分”。
不被祝福的爱，
就让它随风飘走吧。
我希望，
我做得到。
加油，茹婷！

沉思的夜晚。。。“渴望”与“胆却“

又是一个没有你的夜晚，我指的是没有与你Skype的夜晚。。。而不是指见面。。。因为我们就连相见都难。有时候我真的很埋怨，埋怨自己选择的路是如此的坎坷难走，不过我却没有想要放弃的念头。难道是主要我坚持住吗？主自有安排吗？有时候，我很郁闷，为什么我始终得不到那种被爱的感觉，是距离的问题吗？
常常在路边看到许多情侣双双对对，而自己却依然独当一个，深爱的“他”却在地球的另一方。心理的酸度不禁加深。。。
许多时候，我选择不去埋怨，我怕伤感情。两段恋情，我却是以360度完全不一样的态度面对和解决。以前的我常常因为小事而大发脾气，而面对现在这段感情我却是如此"收敛"，也许是怕再有一次“失去”的感觉吧。你看得到我所做的一切吗？看得到我对你的爱吗？我爱你！所以很多时候我无法放纵地跟你吵虽然当时是伤心的。因为，我怕。。。我怕伤感情。。。我怕感情出现裂痕。。。我要的是什么，你知道吗？我要的不多，我要的是，我在你心中的地位与爱。
“为什么”？！这三个字一直在脑海里打转。。。为什么始终没有做到我要的？我的要求就那么简单，信息多一点。我已经试着去体谅你，往往还会帮你找借口，也许你信息少是因为你正在忙，所以不能不断信息我。我也不想去计较那么多了，说了还是一样，我也不想伤感情。也许我得去适应你的恋爱方法，这样就不会伤感情了吗？希望如此。
你对我做的一切，哪怕只是小事一桩我都会感到贴心与感动，旁人是感觉不到那种甜蜜的感觉。只有我在享受其中，因为那是你为我而做的事情。
我无法隐藏我对你的爱，我对你的爱已经随着时间一天天慢慢地在加深。我怕你承受不起我那厚大的爱。深怕有天你会因为我的爱而呼吸不过来而再次离开了我。
我的喜怒哀乐都在你掌控中，就像你说的：“你是负责掌控游戏的玩者”。你也告诉了我你已经把“怒”和“哀”的按钮拔了。而我也不想过着“怒”与“哀”的生活，很累。。。
夜已深，身在另一方的你已在梦里与周公相会了，而我依旧沉醉于想你的点点滴滴。想你就像是我每天必备的工作，永远都那么地准时。不知你是否也和我一样？
常常想与你好好地在Skype上聊天，但你却很少把心思放在我身上，看着电脑另一方的你，我心里是怎么想的，心痛。花点心思在我们的感情上，这是我想要的。我没有在无理取闹，这是女孩子都渴望的。
最近看了太多人的爱情世界了，每个人都面临着各自的难题。爱情让人渴望，也让人胆却。

Trust...Understanding...

I'm unhappy and depressed since last night... Today, i keep thinking of why am i like this? Why?
Isit because i too love u and too care of this relationship? Sure i love and care...why nt? U are the one who i love and care right now... What i did is all because i m LOVING u...
Honestly, i m getting jealous...bout ur past...ur EX... I am wondering why she til keep in touch with u...i hope i m ok with this...but not...i m totally not ok...actually i can choose to hide my feeling and i can choose not to know all this things... Although it is suffer, but i want to face this BRAVELY. I should be STRONG!
I'm still holding on and dun wanna be apart with u... I'm afraid...but i choose the way to TRUST and
UNDERSTANDING.
I'm hope u can hold me tightly... I only wan u to care me more...i know u hv try to care me...but i know u can do it more than tat.

Feeling BLUE...

Still a sentence... U are Special to Me

Dun wanna be APART with u....

Just like this picture...we will never APART...one step at a time until FOREVER!

Today,terrible missing u my babe boy...but ur msg even less and less...*sob*but i choose to understand u...tats the way to avoid a quarrel...the time we argued...suffer...i dun like it...Quarrel is a matter of very tired for me...so, plz dun make me sad and don't let me have the feeling of neglected...babe...promise ok? Dun owes repeat the same fault...coz i know u can do more than this...ya...u can!!!
Why i low in mood?Why? maybe coz of got the news tat babe might be going to brunei for working and make our distance more futher and further...nt only that, we even hard to contact each other...is this reasonable? For me...i really dun deserve more...jus hope god can shorter our distance...bt not keep made us APART... And the worst is....cause of tis..my both exam which is ''Computer'' and "Japanese"...dunno how will the result be?! i really dun wan to meet both subject on future semester!!!GOD!!!pls let me pass as Jason Sia said tat he yet prayed for me tis afternoon for pass the computer exam!!! Hope it really work!!!
This moment, i m damned happy and survive from moody from my babe!!! Guess wat? Babe told me tat he had reject the offer from Brunei job...babe said:''cos i dun wan leave too far from u
...i dont want my love story just like lyrics of home...'' babe...u make me feel I am in your heart...
Babe...my health even worst...i tot i jus a light coughing...bt now i jus realized tat it is quite serious...and jiang ting oso got a bit unfeeling well...light coughing too...and all my friend around me oso nt feeling well..so...babe...pls take more k ...i m sorry coz of cannot going back tis time...and i yet promised tat i will going back on november and i know tat there is 3 months to go....we should be patient....

Made by Alan

25th July 2009
3 meal's Time Table made by Alan

Days Times	1	2	3	4	5
0730am		Breakfast	Breakfast
0800am	Breakfast
0930am					Breakfast
1100am				Breakfast
1200noon		Lunch	Lunch
0100pm					Lunch
0300pm	Lunch			Lunch
0600pm		Dinner	Dinner
0700pm		Dinner	Dinner	Dinner	Dinner
0800pm	Dinner

This is the time table for me to follow up for my 3 meals. He often said that I don't know how to take care of myself, 3 meals uncertain...so he has done for me a 3 meal's time table.make me feel touch...i can feel his concern and love...boy, i love u.

Boy, thank you for your concern and love...but don't know whether i can follow up it...hehe...^^hope i can lo..haha...