Last wish in 2009, I pray to the Lord God to give me an independence of mind. Lord God, please give me STRENGTH! I need U so much! I hope that at this moment you touch my head and then tell me: ''my child, believe in yourself and you are OK, I look at you all the single time. You will always be my good gal=)))''♥ Last night I cried all night, causing my both eyes swollen this morning. Why am I crying? Because I feel Inferior! I feel very Impotent! Habitual reliance on friends, often don't make decisions for myself! I HATE this kind of ME!!! I WANT To CHANGE!!! Change to the NEW Pauline cECILIA!!! 2010 is the new beginning for me!!! NEW YEAR, NEW LIFE, NEW TARGET, NEW BEGINNING, NEW CHANGES...as well!!!
I went:'' Lord God, my heart is beating with U, my soul is living in U, my whole life is in U!'' I LOVE U!!!♥
If it is fate, we surely will meet again.If it is true fate, everyone encounters each other are all in timing.
If fate really exists between us, we will naturally meet each other by the right time. I think so...How about u? Do u believe in fate? I don't want to disrupt ur life...I don't want to be a silly gal... I should be a mature gal as I have been reminding myself don't give so much room for my imagination!!! Oh God, until when I just can put aside my past? Today, I've completely lost my spirit to do everything...Can't pay so much concentrate on the drama even it's my favourite korean drama...*sobbing*=='' God went:'' All this just can only rely on your own. If you've never want to let go, then you'll never fit in the past. Now just can only rely on your own, believe yourself can be able to do it, then it already half of the battle.'' I went:'' I've tried to forget all thepast...I DID...but I FAILED...When ''HE'' appear in front of me, all the efforts will suddenly collapsed. Therefore, I have to start from scratch. Honestly, I really tired...I really exhausted all about it!!! Please ask whether he has had such a feeling??? Pauline, Live out your LIFE
There is also a period of time I am not going to update my blog... Recently, I still think of you... Last few days, I went to Sibu with bunch of friends... We talked and laughed... Indeed, my body still with them, but my heart was gone with the wind very far, and thought about whether I will meet you somewhere in Sibu? LOLX... Again and again!!! Cannot deny the fact that I still will miss you... Sigh...=='' Where are you now? How are you doing so far? Has been a long time did not get your news since we were broke up. Deleted and blocked out all the way to contact you is to ensure that I can forget you as soon as possible...That 10 digit is still engraved in my mind although it has been deleted from my contact list , it kept lingering...But I will never contact you anymore...Because everything is OVER...Is no longer possible to return back to before... Why am I still tired and still dedicated to you???!!!
Seriously, if ur gf is angrying and off her cell phone without telling u...BOYS, how and wat would u do to get back their hearts???hmph!!!I know wat's the answer!!They may have no reaction and waiting for gals to calm down and find back them!!!Boys, u're wrong!!!Wat gals want is ur Caring and Consideration. Gals wan u to comfort her when she's sad rather than ignore her, until she feel good. Undeniably, men total about face-saving. Don't u guys know tat gals always like playing ''PRINCESS temper''???!!!This is so-called the nature of woman. Let's said, if u really love and care bout her, once you know tat she's off her cell phone and can't contact her at all, you should be very nervous, and then tried to find out where's she???!!! Rather than sitting there doing nothing, waiting for her ''gas consumption''-feel good and find back u! This way will certainly backfire u know?! Even if she was really turned off her cell phone, you guys can also try to calls to her, and keep messaging her in order to let her be pleasantly surprised after on her cell phone...Let her know how much you care about and care for her... Something as simple as it really that difficult to accomplish? Nowadays, man is care about face-saving, admit defeat, self-esteem damned strong and thus will not yield easily...even if you were her girlfriend !!!
U guys must be feeling weird and wonder why that I would put this picture??? It was a long long long story to tell... When am looking at this picture, it will let me think of my first love... Don't know why... Recently, I had a compulsion to return to the time we were together. Ya! I admit that am a silly gal!!! Am stupid!!! Am useless!!! Even so, it is still no way to stop me to think about you ah!!! Am suffer right now u know!!! No!!! U never know since u started a new relationship with her. And u are right, cos this is the respect for the new relationship. Since I once failed in love with 2nd relationship, I had tried hardly to forget him and started my new life. I thought that am successfully to get rid of miss him. Backfire, not only I did not succeed and survived from it, whenever I thought of the way he treated me when we were still a couple, naturally, you(大雄) will be reminded of in my mind.
I miss!!! I Miss!!! I really MISS!!! I really miss U ah!!! I miss the morning call from u to awake me from slept! I miss ur every called! I miss ur thoughtful. I miss ur softness to me. I miss ur everything. I think you have all forgotten. Do u still remember our nickname? I like our NICKNAME-大雄&叮当 Because of I like to watch Cartoon of Doraemon, u gave me the nickname-叮当 Superadd, I am kind of ''meat meat''-fat gal as Doraemon, U said that nickname suitable for me and immediately change to 叮当from 婷 from ur contact list. Instead, I don't felt angry but made me feeling cute.=) Therefore, am also gave you a nickname as well-大雄. All these have become the past, and will never ever come back. Day and night, these memories constantly echoes in my mind, so what!!!??? U no longer belongs to me, No matter how much I miss u, I can‘t and not qualified to let u know. Sigh~~~ Am feeling tired and exhausted!!! I also don't brave enough to send u a message since the day u told me that u have a new gal friend... I lost my COURAGE to find u as before. I thought that I had set aside all the past and started my new life, may be it was only happened in the dream bah...
Just came back from miri last night. Tired and feeling exhausted... The journey way back to Sibu from Miri, It was the 2nd time Am sat alone inside the bus and listen to music through my cell phone... It was damned damned cold inside the bus... plus, the worst thing, it was a rainy day... Am almost became a SNOWGAL. The lyrics with the melody let my emotions came... Am kept thought and thought... My mind constantly emerging previous things... Only a QUESTION I would like to ask myself... It will be : Am I still? Am I still do stand ORIGIN??? Gosh... It cannot be!!! I should be look forward!!! Rather than still miss to the PAST!!! WHY??? Pauline, U urself should know how much you were being hurt and how pain it will be!!! It is not worth for u to think back and teardrop again and again!!! I admit that Am a silly gal... But the things come naturally... Me myself cannot be avoided...
Sometimes, Am thought of the 1st piece of fallen leaf... Am felt damn regret coz of let IT go... Why am I did not grasp it... Now, it had been flying to the hands of others...
Sometimes, Am miss the moment with the 2nd piece of fallen leaf... Everything I did for IT is full with my LOVE HEART... And I am willing to sacrifice for IT... But wat I get from IT was HURT.
I Love Daddy and mummy.=) Daddy, thanks for ur gift which is my desired laptop-> SONY NW=) I gonna have it soon...Really can't wait liao...Thanks lot daddy...I love U more than word can say...In fact, I've also buy a gift for u and mum as well=)
Here the new Wallet that I gonna present u,dad. Hope u will like it. I bought it from The Spring-GoldLion. U deserve a nice wallet since I saw ur wallet already been used over decades of years and never change the new one. This wallet just specially for u as a new beginning and might be bring u LUCK ya=)Daddy love us so much...Daddy never desired any material things...Daddy owes save money because of us...Daddy, how much u did and how much u love us, WE all know...but then u till have to sayang urself, OK?LOVE u, daddy!muacksss.
Mummy, dun worry. I've buy u a necklace as well^^
Here the necklace that I gonna present u, Mummy.=) I bought it from The Spring-GIODANO.
I never bought such a gorgeous necklace to my mother before.
This is my 1st time. I love u mum. U deserve it...And hope u will like it. WE all LOVE u.muacksss...^^
P/S:I might be going back on 7 of November. Really cant wait to c my daddy and mummy liao...=)
Just came back from outside... When I am concentrate on chatting with Poh Swee, I received a called from ''HIM''. He asked me to accompany him to have a drink. So shocked me! I don't know how to refuse him, so I said Ok to him even though the time is already late. The way went to cafe, I felt abit uncomfortable and can't used the way he treat me...so weird... No doubt, he touched my face...gosh....how dare of him...>.< We went to ''Aunty Lily'' cafe, and luckily got ah hui mummy and Morgan them...At first, I thought that only both of us, make me nervous. Only later did I know that he also called a bunch of friends to come...Gosh, make me paiseh nia...I m kind of shy shy gal...don't know how to initiative to talk to them...So, I kept talked with ah hui mummy to prevent to get bored in addition she and Morgan got a bit unpleasent tonight. As usual, he kept kacau me in front of his friends...make me shy then...huh...=='' Also a coincidence that we were ordered the same juice-Honeydew...SWT...=='' After drink, he picked me went back to INTI College. The way to INTI College, he talked to me...kept said he is feeling tired right now, moody....bla bla bla...I just listened and gave him some respond lest later he said that I did not listen what he said about... When almost arrive INTI College, he suddenly said that don't know whether me willing to talk to him tonight? I said that now I'm talking to you ya... But then he said that now almost arrive INTI... I know that he was hinted me to accompany him... Ok, we talked inside the car that parked outside of INTI College. I asked about his relationship with his gal friend, just realized that they already broke up. Actually I m nervous and don't know what should I talk to him???zzzzzz....=='' And the time is already late...already midnight... Btw, the security guide of INTI College kept noticed both of us with his gravely eyes... Talked to half, he suddenly locked the door of the car...I pretended not to realize that he locked the door of the car. But my heart kept beating...nervous...==''And I asked him whether he still got anything to share with me, if no, I gotta go back hostel. He said that if me want to go back hostel, he can let me go...I said OK...Maybe he will thought that I will stay and accompany him for awhile...but I'm not. I know that he is getting frustrated and upset and not happy when I drop again a sentence:''we chat again next time la...have a good sleep tonight... don't thinking too much...bye bye...see u then.'' As a conclusion, I don't know whether is I'm thinking too much or what...Now, I still not prepare yet to accept the new relationship... Once accepted, the days not so trivially passed as usual...It is a toughing and tiring life for me... So, ''LOVE'' plz stay away from me...If u want to come with me, plz come a true and serious one. I don't want being hurt again.
The feeling that I'm lost for a period of time is came back to my side! Feeling Peace!!! Awesome Peace!!! I attend for the Mass service tonight. It has been a long time that I'm not going to church to attend the Mass. I felt remorse and guilty...Lord God, please forgive me...=='' This evening, I followed my friends went to the St.Joseph Cathedral to attend the sunset Mass. I have been a long time did not come to this church since I'm still in primary school. Less than half an hour, we arrived the destination-St.Joseph Cathedral. Uncle Khoo parked the car opposite of the church, that's mean we still need to go through the road before reaching the church.huhu...=='' Reached the outside of the church, not forgetting to shoot several picture for commemorate.
St.Joseph Cathedral. Appearance of the church looks very special. It is big different compare to my hometown church. I like this Church.=)
Inside of the St.Joseph Cathedral. In fact, I still wanna shoot a few more, but in the church we can't take cell phone out, so I'm not convenient to shoot more. Amazing!!! In my hometown, u will never see people playing Violin with the Piano in the Church. We're all together and sang the anthem with the playing Violin and piano instrument.
The pure white of the altar make the looked very comfortable. I like it!!!
As usual, Father Albert blessed all the conversus after the Mass service. Yeah, Father Albert also blessed me...=)
Father Albert and me. This is my first time met Father Albert who is from Holland. Originally I don't know how to ask him to take pic with me...Because I'm a little bit shy...hehe...However, in order want to take picture with him, I should to ask for the permission. ''Father, can I have a pic with u?'' He replied: Owh, I got to go...''but then he talked again with other conversus...after that, he agreed to have a pic with me....hehe....^^...He is a kind of friendly and funny father...Like a friend....Nice...=) I like the environment in the Church. Awesome PEACE!!! I promise that every Sunday I will be on time to attend the Mass in addition to the temporary emergency. ^^
Is he/she you first love? : Nope...2nd piece of fallen leaf in my life.
Why do you break with him/her? :I tried 4 times already...Two different worlds of people...Can't be forcing together.
Ever though of going back together? : Previous me=Yup. Now=N3VER!!!
If you were given a chance, what will you do? :I hope that we're not together before and never met each other.
Do you miss him/her? :Nop3!!!Not worth.
He/she cheated on you, and wanted to go back with you after the break up, what will you do? :Whether he ever cheated on me, you can ask from him. Previous=Sure go back to him side la, coz I trust and love him ma. NOW=NEV3R!!!
He/she found another partner, how do you feel? :None of my business!!!Go on!
Do you still go view his/her profile after you broke with him? : NEV3R!!!
You walk on the street and saw him/her with another guy/girl, do you say hi? :Smile as manner to him.
What do you want to say to him/her? : Thanks for everything.
THE SINGLE;
How long have you been single? :19 days...
How does being single feel? :Now that I know what is so-called R3LEaSE!!!
Do you think that you will be single for you life? : Depends on my fate. Everything is settle from GoD. I'm just have to wait patiently.
If someone tells you that they like you, do you consider to date them? : Not that fast.
Are you a perfectionist? : Yup.=)
What type of boyfriend/girlfriend do you want? :I don't deserve more. Care and considerate. Can comfort me when I'm sad rather than ignore me, until I feel good.
Are you flirty? : Dunno leh...
What are guys/girls to you? :A kind of animal that is difficult to understand.
Too forgiving or forget things easily? : Too forgiving.
Do you care what people say about you? :Sometimes what...
Make a wish for yourself :) :Everything go on smoothly. Love God=)
It has been a long time i am not updating my blog... I am now feeling confused，annoying and complicated somemore... I don't want to say and note down any unpleasant things in this article... Because in this article, I am going to write about a memorable moment of the day celebrated hui's-my mummy^^ 20th birthday.Very memorable!!!
Celebrated by INTIMA<02-10-2009> Pre-Birthday
Before the INTIMA meeting...got kuih brought by Kah Jong that was left during the conference of Staff INTI college.
She still don't know what will going to happen later.XD
Different posture...^^ Ah tan owes on day dreaming state...huh...XD
During the meeting...why everyone looks so lackadaisical??? ''The Voice of the Students'' or ''You and Me, One Team, One Legend''??? We're discuss about the INTIMA Slogan!!! Which one more better???^^
SupRiS3!!! Strawberry cake!!!=) Happy 20th Birthday to YOU-mummy!!! May ur wish all come true and get more and more pretty!!! Happiness with MoM0 every moment!!! Cherish the time with Mom0=) Love You Always!!! Muacksssssssss...^^ Cutting the cake...=) Nice to know YOU-mummy!!!^^ Time to receive gift...=) INTIMA-Students Government Body
Celebrated by FRIENDS <03-10-2009> Real Birthday
Saturday, memorable day, the REAL Birthday of Sally-mummy. And is also the day of Mid-Autumn Festival. We're celebrated her 20th birthday at ThE SprInG. Friends including me, Jiang Ting, Jacqueline, Jason, Abby, Elisa and Kristy. Me, Jiang Ting, Jason and Abby went to ThE sPrinG by INTI bus. The way to ThE sPriNg, I just realized that I forgot to inform Elisa to take INTI bus...Gosh... After half an hour, we reached the destination-ThE spRinG!!! And I directly called Elisa see whether she at where? Luckily she at ThE SpRinG, if not, i will feel GuilTy la... Elisa told me that she and Kristy at 2nd floor to buy something and asked me to wait her at the food court there. Whereas Jason and Abby also went to 2nd floor to buy their things. Just left 3 of us including me, Jiang Ting and Jacqueline at 1st floor. We walked to the food court there and planned to find a seat because today is the Mid-Autumn Festival, so I afraid of can't find a seat. Really full of ppl in food court there!!! Really can't find any single seat over there!!! And I tried to call hui see whether she is on the way coming now, but then she told me that might be not that fast arrive ThE sPriNg because of Morgan wanna buy duck. So, 3 of us went to 2nd floor to find Elisa them. We meet Elisa them at Padini there. After finish bought the things, we walked to food court there together. Luckily, we found a seat!!! Yuhoo!!!XD We're all sat there and waiting for the coming of Birthday Gal!!!But then, its take quite long time. So, I called hui again see whether where is she? And she told me that she is already at ThE SprInG. Good!!! Haha....XD
Here's my mummy-hui...=) Japanese packages treated by Jason since he yet promised hui last semester!!!haha...XD Next time, I want Korea packages ya...hehe...XD My Korea packages of lunch... Spicy and sour!!!Nice!!! Thumbs upppp!!!^^ I like it so much!!!hehehe...XD... Surprise giving by Elisa!!! Not only hui felt surprised!!! I am also surprised and shocked!!! Touching moment!!!^^ Make a WisH... 1st wish is:? 2nd wish is:? 3rd wish is:? All in ur heart=) Keep it... May ur wish all come true!!! ^^ 3 Best Ro0mate!!! Jiang Ting, hui, and me.=) Friendship 4ever!!!=) Memorable moments^^ After the celebration, I m waiting for my aunt and uncle come to pick me to their house to have a celebration for mooncake festival and my cousin have a WuShu performance at the China Street-(the detailed explanation will be on next post=)). Jason, Abby and Jiang Ting followed hui and Morgan went to Saberkas, because Jiang Ting is looking for the new handphone since she was lost her handphone last few weeks. That careless gal ah!!!*sigh*...=.=
*INTIMA and FRIENDS* Celebration of mummy-hui's 20th Birthday!!! *hugggsss*Memorable moments* ^^
I'm Pauline cECILIA an ordinary gal living in the Earth. Being brought into the world by my mama and papa which is on 21st March 1990. Obviously an Aries which is surprisingly sensitive and eager to please. Though I can be pushy and domineering or controlling at times, i also idealistic, trusting, and in great need of reassurance.
I feel most secure when am in love with my permanent partner. So ,don't break my heart to make me cry days and nights. Yeap, I deserve a better one but not the PAST!I require a great deal of affection and tenderness from my friends.
God's LOVE is my motivation.
~Nice to meet u all~♥
